Faiths.>.> HIM .>.> DOUBTs

On Friday, went to drink with him again...
yea, taking the same old Drug. STUPID ACT, but what can I do if I can't
resist?! Scare me out though, the more I get to know him, more doubts I
raised. Should I? To be or not TO be?

1st of all,
he has problem, seriously, he has problem. DCO-
is pretty serious, perhaps in my world, and he clam that he has been
doing it for a year. How would I dare to rely on a person whoDCO?

2nd,
he has broken life line... yea, I would like to assist him and connect
those lines back together, and I did, using a pen... sweet,
physical,yet meaningful.Probably , everyone should have tried. It is
all up to him. If him would like to change, he would have... been
changed, need not to be me who help him. I sincerely like to help, for
no reason, yet it is all up to him.

3rd,
be wise. As a wise person, I should know there is no guarantee
that I can change him. As if I made it happen, it doesn't mean he would
stay with me. Just like what I did in the past, helping the Ex gone
through the tough time in school, what I get at the end?Abandoned, yea, betray... that's what I earned. What is guaranteed?

4th,
nothing beyond work. Should he open his life, if he would like me? To
my extend, Yes. Yet, he didn't. nothing more than stupid stuff, things
from work...what is the point here?

5th,
the reason of telling the secret is bcos I have no one to tell? He have to justify
his sin and guilt by confessing? and I am the one with no harm, would
accept his behavior, wouldn't judge you, wouldn't use this to hold
against you? Yes, I don't care what my friends do... so ... I am the
churchman who you confessed with? and...THAT's ALL? ok then!

6th,
doubts. too many doubts. I thought he might lie about DCO,
but I saw him shaking, yea... his eyes are weird, just remind me about
that crazy movie that I watch from the psychology class. hate that
movie....yet he look like those...scare me out, really.

7th,
I paid for the drinks to kill his time b4 he has to meet up with his
friends. I shouldn't mind as if he buy me drink for lot of time.
However, I really think that he is killing his time, and I am the one
who would like to spend time with him. BS!

Would you think I am crazy? stupid? silly? because I can list all these stuff, and so much uncomfortableness with this person, why would I be still considering? Should have quite at least as of now. Yet, I haven't... I don't know! probably is my ego? my stubborn?
I want to overcoming things that is challenged? or basically, I like
him? or he is the best actor who knows what am I thinking and he is
manipulating,challenging me?